Another New Girl Story
by Ill Lasanga
Summary: Another blatent parody of all that you know. Contains periodical insanity and the broken pieces of the fourth wall. So, don't like, don't read.


**I'd like to thank **darkwebx01, **for inspiring me to post this.**

**I do not own The Secret Saturdays, or anything else that is blatantly not mine. This is strictly for humor and my own twisted amusement.**

Zak Saturday and his family (Doyle not included, so you fan girls can all sigh and hit the back button now) were fighting a cryptid. Said cryptid was indistinct, seeing as it will only appear in this chapter. Anyway, the humans were losing despite that fact that they do this almost every day. The Authoress just felt the need to restate this in dialogue.

So she did.

"What gives, we do this almost every day! Zak (because he's one of the only two people that can start a fight conversation, mm hmm. The other is Doyle.) shouted.

"Plot hole!" Doc shouted, "Can't…resist…effects!" Somehow, a hole ripped in the fabric of the universe and it was trying to eat the poor man.

"What effects?"

"Must…speak…in…ellipses…and…become…retarded…to…stay…in…story!" He then concentrated on getting pummeled by the monster. Doc briefly wondered where Drew had gone off to. Then he remembered he was a jerk and couldn't wonder.

"Ahh!" The cutest member of the Saturday clan (aside from Fisk and Doyle _of course_) suddenly threw himself in immediate danger. "Ahh!" He yelled again to make sure that everyone knew he was in _really scary _danger, not the normal kind of danger he gets into every day. It was so scary and dangerous that no one could even THINK about getting him safe because that were all too scared out of their skulls.

"NOOO!" Something off-screen (wait, this isn't a TV show!) yelled. "Go! Kyr! Save that poor boy from his certain doom!" A beautiful dragon whose appearance was akin to a shifting sliver snake suddenly (Yay! Alliteration!) appeared. It snatched Zak away from the danger, gently putting him on the ground next to his parent(s). A fearless girl jumped off of the dragon's back, landing gracefully with the skill that could rival Fiskerton.

"Wow, you saved me!" Zak said. He thought that she was cute. "You're cute." He added.

And indeed she was cute. Her shoulder-length white-blond and black striped hair danced merrily in the wind, framing an elegant, peach tinted face. Her eyes were bright blue and shone with a zeal that _out_matched the sun's rays. The girl's attire was composed of-

Actually, Zak didn't even know what she wore, only that it was cool and it was _totally _age-appropriate. Utterly smitten, Zak drooled for a while before the mysterious girl spoke again. "Oh, it was nothing a good orphan girl with magical powers and Kur's totally awesome older sister couldn't do."

GASP! "Is that you, sweetie?" Drew poofed into existence, complete with a ridiculous 'poof' noise. She began choke-sorry, 'hug' both of her children. "My little daughter! I missed you so much!"

Now it was Doc's turn to be confused, "Wait, I thought Zak was an only chi-AHH!" The plot hole quickly shut him up, though. And by shutting him up, we mean swallowing him whole and disappearing.

"I have a sister?" Zak and the others seemed not to notice their leader's departure.

"_Twin _sister, un favorite child. Twin sister. Now play nice, I have to go away and not be a parent anymore." Drew knew her part in the story was finished, so she poofed back out of existence.

The girl spoke again, in a voice that could lift a flattened soufflé, "Oh, but I cannot go with you, for I have a dark, angsty past that could ruin us both!"

The (unreal) audience gasped.

"Umm, alright. What's your name?" Zak said, "I kinda didn't catch it with you being so awesome and all."

His savior's already radiant eyes shone even more radiantly. (If that was actually possible.) "ZOMG! You accept me? My past traumatized feelings are gone!" She froze for a spilt second and then yelled, "ARRRRGOSSSSTTT!"

_Meanwhile, about a half of a continent away…_

V.V. Argost sneezed.

_Back with the important people…_

"RAHH!" Crackling white energy flew to the girl and subsequently threw Zak into the nearest wall. The energy compressed and formed into a powerful ray of light, shooting off into the sky. 'Whatshername' immediately collapsed

Zak awoke from his concussion and ran over to her side as fast as he could. "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

_And now for something completely different. _

"Do de do do doooo…" Argost was taking a break from evil and walking around his garden. He really didn't know why he _had _a garden, but it was there and he was bored. So there.

"Do de do de doo I'm not being evil, do de do do-AGHH" Semi-surprisingly, a plothole _disguised _as a Venus Flytrap ate him.

Suddenly, the aforementioned beam of light (you know, the one that the girl made? Please tell me you didn't forget!) crashed down upon his mansion. It obliterated practically everything in its path, sans cryptids 'cuz they're just so sweet and cuddly!

The Plothole spat Argost out. "Why did you do-ohhhhh" He takes a look at the scenery, "Thank you Paulie!" Argost patted it on the head. "I'll make sure Munya gives you something good alright? Now where is he?"

Later, he found the half-cryptid apparently 'sunbathing' facedown. Needless to say, having half a brain is very detrimental to your health.

_ZOMG! Scene change!_

"-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zak immediately took a deep breath of air. "Surprisingly, I seriously care about you, sis!"

"And it's a miracle the I could hear that after all of that screaming, dear brother!"

Doyle took this moment to interject and say, "What the-" before a few hundred fan girls ambushed him. With concussion grenades and everything. To escape, the ex-mercenary jumped into a waiting plot hole. "That was close." He sees Doc and Argost in there with him. "Oh, great. Stuck in an endless void for all eternity with my two _favorite_ people in the whole world."

_And that's enough of those people…_

"Wait! I have an unknown power that can save you! Hold on, twin sis!" Zak seriously didn't know what to do. So he did the one thing he could do: Try his powers and hope they worked.

(You all know what this means, and if you don't, why are you even in this fanfic section? Aside from Doyle I mean.)

He crumpled to the floor as the orange energy enveloped him. In a flash of light, he was in the Mindspace. "Why are you calling it that? It doesn't even make sense." The boy addresses the narration. The reply?

"_Because I can." _

_Creepy fourth wall breakage moment later…_

"I'm coming, Naomi!" Zak had finally learned the girls' name from the narrator, and was now trying to find her. (by the way, Naomi is Hebrew for beautiful, pleasant, and delightful.)

The Saturday boy found the Saturday girl collapsed on the invisible floor. "Zzaaak. Y-you have t-to g-give me some of y-our power."

"Why?"

"Because I used too much of mine trying to destroy Argost, duh! Now gimmie!" She took his hand in hers and power began flowing from Zak and into her. Zak was immediately pushed out of her subconscious.

Naomi sprung up, fully healed. "Hooray! I'm okay!"

Drew appeared and hugged both of her children. "I'm so proud of you two!" She said. "Let's get back home."

"All's well that ends well I guess." Naomi said.

"_Yeah right."_

**Epilogue**

**Naomi: **Spent the rest of her life having cryptid based adventures with Zak and his family.

**Drew: **Kept poofing in and out of existence for all time. (That still didn't affect her parenting skills.)

**Zak: **Continued to have awesome adventures with his family.

**Doc, Doyle, and Argost: **Became trapped in the plot hole for all of eternity, playing card games to keep from getting bored. They are occasionally let out for bathroom breaks.

**Komodo: **Is off relaxing in the Cayman Islands with Zon. He did not appear in this fic.

**Fiskerton: **Was he in this fic? I can't tell.

**Nikki: **Finally wrestled that darned Gatorade from the Authoress.

**Alister: **Didn't have anything to do with this fic. (Or did he?)

* * *

Cee Cee: That's it! Please review!

**Random Last Words,**

**Cee Cee The Critic**


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